(Photo stolen from this site)
by Honey
Because I hate your husband. I really, REALLY do.
You’re a nice person, mostly. But some times, I want to tear my hair out listening to the asshole things your husband does. And it is true asshole behavior. Leaving you to suffer through a miscarriage alone? Getting mad at you when he finally gets you pregnant again, after HOUNDING you to have another baby? Not because he wanted 3 kids, but because he wanted to try one last time for a boy. He is not only an asshole, he is also the whole ass.
Even though he knows I only see my husband on the weekends, he without fail, calls EARLY Saturday morning, to see if he’s up and out of bed. If he doesn’t answer the phone, he is not above doing a drive by on us, because he thinks that HE is more important than my husband spending time with his wife. I know that he and my husband have been friends since their momma’s were pregnant with them, but holy hell. He spends more Saturday mornings at our house than he does his own. WTF? Yes, they’re friends. But my husband does NOT feel the need to run away from home as soon as the sun comes up; he WANTS to spend time with me. Quiet as it’s kept; he enjoys spending time with me. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t see me often, but whatever. I will take what I can get. I would appreciate it if you could tie your husband to the bed, couch, a tree outside, whatever… just one Saturday morning. Please.
And now, he’s hitting on your friends.
Friend #1 – he called at her house to tell her that she had nice feet. When she called him out on his B.S. he claims “his friend” told him to tell her that.
Friend #2 -- you had a party at your house and your husband spent all night slapping her on the ass. I had to tell MY husband – her cousin, who pulled him aside, to get him to stop. His excuse that time? I didn’t think anybody noticed.
ME -- he goosed me and you saw him and made him apologize. He just said he was too drunk to remember, but he was sorry because you were upset. His words. (Nevermind ME being upset. I didn’t want his hands grabbing my ass either, but…whatever)
We haven’t said anything to you YET because you will rabidly defend any and all negative comments regarding your husband, even though you know he’s a jerk. You want to convince us, and most likely yourself, that he’s a good guy, a NICE guy, instead of who he really is: A SELFISH guy who has no respect for your relationship or anybody else’s. And he is a guy who is looking for an opportunity to screw your friends. Quite frankly, I don’t believe this has escaped your notice, because you made me an offer I could totally refuse. (But that is a story for ANOTHER Bartender Face entry.)
Why I’m telling Bartender Face instead of writing this on my own blog? Because even though my husband says he doesn’t read my blog (and I believe him because he is totally uninterested in my weird ramblings), the one time he WILL read it would be the time I write about how much I hate his oldest friend.
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5 comments:
Just like training a dog, slap his nose with a roll of newspaper. Doesn't hurt or leave marks, but gets his attention so you can correct a behavior that's not wanted.
Yeah, you can be nice - but the quality of the niceness is probably being confused with the possibility that you DO have a desire for the behavior to continue.
It's hard to argue with the statement, "If she didn't want me to slap her butt, then why didn't she just say so?". Verses the thought process of, "She never paid attention to me until I slapped her on the butt, now she's always checking me out".
Add that the internet has proven what men have known all along - there are lots ladies (married and single) who consider this kind of interaction - foreplay...and a few that view it as a marriage proposal.
I like the idea of the rolled-up newspaper, Anonymous. But -- just borrowing trouble here -- wouldn't a jerk of this caliber just assume that when you finally stopped hitting him with the newspaper, you must have come around? "She digs me now 'cause she hasn't picked up a newspaper the whole party!"
Great post, Honey. Keep a newspaper close at hand. : )
Foolery, you're a hoot!
And your right...my qualifications to offer advise is about the same as me being a qualified brewmister just because I drink beer.
But my general point was that most guys are basically clueless. You gots to slap them upside the head if you want them to ask you out and again (harder) to gets them to stop.
Course if it weren't this way, there'd be no need for underwire bras, lace panties, perfume & eye shadow - all the things that make life worth living.....along with good beer, homemade pizza and a dog named Louie!
....and Honey, next time he gooses you - make him apologize to YOU and let his wife fume about being dissed.
Not sure who has the worse behavior.. the oaf or the doormat. The only excuse I could come up with for the wife staying with the walking ICK-fest is that she is thinking of her kids? That is it. WHY would she defend his behavior?????
Crossing your legs and managing a nut graze to his crotch with your pointed toe high heel shoe sounds like quite an appealing way to deal with him Honey.
Thanks for sharing.
And the latest & greatest? He just cost her a 3 day cruise next year because he didn't pay like he was SUPPOSED to. And she didn't know. Gahh..
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