Sunday, March 8, 2009

The Eulogy

by Honey

I met him through my husband. They were childhood friends. Their mothers, who attended church together, were pregnant together. They even went to the same babysitter. He is my husband’s oldest friend.

When he introduced me to his wife, we hit it off immediately. We bonded over identical experiences in dealing with our husbands. In time, we became like sisters. And as our husbands behaved like brothers, this was ok. When he wanted to surprise her, he would ask me to find out her favorite perfume, or help him pick out a purse she would like. He would even beg me to wrap it because I am an awesome gift wrapper, if I do say so myself.

When he & his wife would have relationship issues, she would vent to me. Although sometimes the things that she would tell me would make me want to rip out his heart, I would listen and tell her all the right things, like: “whatever you do, you have my support.” …Or “This is YOUR relationship and nobody can tell you how to feel about xyz situation. Do what’s best for YOU”…It took me some time, but I learned to listen without judging. But this time, I am totally putting my objectivity aside. This time, you’ve gone too far.

This weekend, I watched as he had her served with a restraining order against him and her children. Not because he really believed that she was a danger to her babies who she loves more than herself, but because he was punishing her for refusing to bend to his will. I stood there, helpless as he tried to trump up reasons for having called the police. Spankings, he says. Spankings that the police officer forced him to admit were given because the child had it coming for being disobedient. Spankings that the police officer told him SHE would have given if it had been her child.

I sat there on the couch in horror as he told them to serve her because she refused to talk to him. This would be AFTER he instigated an argument that left her hysterically crying because she couldn’t understand why he would say the things you did. It took 2 people SIX hours to calm her down enough so that she could fall asleep.

I’m leaving some stuff out. But the important part? She didn’t deserve this, that he actually said “No, she is not abusive to her kids”, that he is wrecking his THREE children’s lives because of a temper tantrum… is here for the world to see.

Children are a Mother’s heart. We give them life, we love them before they are born and we would give our lives for them. For him to block her from her children as revenge for a deserved response to his foolishness is unforgivable. SHE has never…even when she would say he was a horrible HUSBAND, never EVER maligned him as a father.

I interpret this action as emotional terrorism. This one act had turned a more or less impartial observer into his sworn enemy. I will do whatever I can to reunite her with her kids, and if it manages to destroy him in the process, it would be no more than he deserves.

Consider ME the judge AND the jury. Consider THIS post as his funeral. He is now dead to me.